What a Monday....

I wrote this post a little differently, for the main purpose of letting my thoughts and feelings consume me. Last night after I got home from a long day of orientation at work, and after dealing with car damage that was my fault, I was overwhelmed with emotion. Stressed, support, love and the spiritual type of emotion. So I just turned on my microphone and began talking to you, to god, to myself...

You know a lot of people don’t think of me as someone who is religious, I was baptized Catholic and I never really knew what that meant and when I was younger and even sometimes now I’ll go to Catholic church with the Krysteeana.

And looking back on my life so many things lead me back to faith and religion and grace. Being in dance all my life taught me a lot about faith and perseverance. For a moment, I had a very spiritual experience at a Christian dance concert 3 Christmases ago.

Knowing that I went to a dance studio that consisted of some students who were LDS and a majority of the teachers who belonged to the LDS church was something that I never realize had such an impact on my childhood until I met Walker. And, during the time of Walker and I dating that was always a presence, it sometimes caused disagreements, but I really didn't know what was true or what was real. And it contributed to a major moment in my life where I was questioning religion and faith and what all that meant.

Since I started working at GCU I haven’t felt an overpowering pressure to become Christian like many people think going to school here is like.

There’s just this huge influential presence coming from here and it's not bad.

All of their core beliefs are based on Christian believes, and at orientation, we got to speak with the CEO Brian Mueller and our pastor Jim Miller and it was crazy to have that spiritual experience again overcome me with a realization of truth behind something that Brian Mueller said. Which was we are "a part of something bigger going on around us, GCU is a part of something bigger than just a university"

For the rest of the time, I couldn’t help feeling this overwhelming purpose.  Mr. Mueller said, "God is constantly testing us - use the experiences God gave you to learn something because he’s leading you down a certain path."

Mueller said, "God wants something to happen here, because of how blessed we have been."  

God tests us a lot, and if you can handle the small stuff with the same amount of effort, grace, and responsibility, he knows you can handle the big stuff
— Brian Mueller

It hit me, really hard today because I was dealing with car trouble’s, I was stressed about how much responsibility I’ve taken on since I’ve graduated, and I  keep struggling with the idea that all my other friends are either on summer, or they are waiting to start their jobs, or they get to travel the world right now.

I, on the other hand, bit off a huge bite of adulting which is constantly been in the back of my mind as I try to figure everything out.

I realized that these tests god puts on us is what happened today. Dealing with my car, being at orientation, listening to Mueller speak, it was just another test from God for me to handle situations with grace.

Grace is something I hold so dear to my heart. Being graceful and being morally responsible and holding that high standard of etiquette for myself and my brand is something I strive to do every day.

This experience was almost humbling? To have hit a wall, ruin the side of my car, and get so stressed out that I threw up. It was like God was saying, "Hey now, don't get ahead of yourself, tackle yet another situation" Which really brought me to a moment of appreciation and love for my parents.

My thought process was, "oh jeez, I'm a fresh, new to this kind of thing adult, I have no idea who to call, how to get it fix, and how much it's going to cost. I was freaking out about what my parents were going to say and everything that was going on around me. 

Yet, my parents were so supportive and so understanding. Something like that you just have to realize that you can’t take anything especially the people who love you for granted. ever. This is a story for another time but my brother was recently baptized as a Christian, I got to talk to him the other day about what that experience was like, and unlike most of our growing up time together, we finally had this common understanding that everything happens for a reason, and just like Mr. Mueller mentioned, it's all apart of a path and something bigger.

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I came home and I got to sit down with my thoughts from the day, I was overwhelmed with the love that I felt from God and from my parents and from the whole new situation of life that I’m trying to figure out.

I knew it was gonna be hard, I am just so thankful for everything God has given me with every crazy turn in the path that I haven't understood up to this moment. Everything that has led me to GCU to be apart of a bigger mission and purpose in opportunity.

I’m so excited to grow spiritually and professionally in this position that I am in. But I just wanted to thank my parents immensely. They have delt with so much this past year and they continously have made sure that I have everything, and every opportunity to be able to handle this transitional moment in my life.

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