Some random thoughts for your sunday....
I write... a lot. Wheather it's put out into the world of in the keep safe of a journal I think and write so much. And now that my last semester of college is in full swing, I find myself dreading having to write when it come's to assignments, deadlines, and reflections. After two weeks of the semester, I feel like all I've been doing is reading and writing, writing and reading and then reading and writing again!
But never the less, Sunday has come and gone, and I wanted to schedule out some time in my day to update your day.
I like to think I'm a pretty open person, and not to say that this hasn't hurt me in the past, but when it comes to inspiration and daily struggles I like sharing how I cope with things. Although a cry session is sometimes a requirement and can fix almost anything, I like to think I have a decent way of coping with things.
I've been finding it incredibly hard to be an early senior, wanting to do all the "lasts" with friends and experience the most out of the last 3 months I have in Tucson constantly gets pushed aside as I pile up with readings and assignments and stories to cover for class. As I try to grow in my photography and videography, it gets put on hold until PINK or my internship desperately needs it. You might say "maybe you need to get organized" "maybe you need to focus on finishing a task in front of you" And trust me, four color-coded shared and dated calenders later I felt plenty organized. But nothing could stop me from sometimes falling to my knees and praying, so ferociously hard with every want in my being a little help from above. I pray that God's plan will come to light soon and that all this hard work will be so worth it in May. I pray that he'll watch over me and give me the strength to apply for more jobs and put my best foot forward. I pray that he'll show me the way and give me a sign as to where I'm going to end up.
This is what has been inspiring me lately...
It's crazy to reflect on how much time changes you... and the idea of that has kept me motivated to keep this blog going. I don't want to share my vulnerabilities with others to come off as weakness, the exact opposite actually. I hope it shows others that even those who appear to have it all together, the people we hear about and look at, and think "wow they have it all" are probably dealing with their own struggles that we have no idea about. I also hope to share these vulnerabilities, in hopes to let others know you are never alone.
Over the last 3 months and continuing into the next, I've been realizing that my dreams are changing. I know, shocking, the stone-cold heart-set girl who had her mind made up about heading to Manhattan after graduation is reconsidering. I've been trying to focus my energy like mentioned above that God will take me wherever I'm meant to be. And when I say I've been grasping onto that fact, I mean clench-tight fist holding on to that sentence of faith.
The peaceful moments when I feel my happiest, are in the early morning when the rest of the world isn't yet awake, when I get a few moments to myself to journal, reflect, and feel the pen as it puts my thoughts down on paper. When I listen to calm indie music in the coziness of my room reading inspiring books, from those who have struggled before me. When I think about the way I smile when I'm sitting and watching the ocean, or the curiosity of my mind as I wonder about the creatures in the waves. To say that the beach and the fresh air has been calling my name is an understatement. I LOVE city life, and I've dreamed about it my entire life. I'm not giving up on my new york city dreams and never will, but for this moment in time, I'm not sure it's where I need to be. I know God will put me where I'm meant to be. But until then, all I can do is do more of things that make me happy and set my soul on fire. All I can do is put my best foot forward every. single. day. and I will end up where I'm meant to be.